LordSethD

Since I don't really use deviantART as a random outlet to rant about god only knows what, a friend suggested I start a blog. And since Tumblr is pretty easy to use, it won.

Here have a link dracovitch.tumblr.com/

Whenever I get back to being creative I'll be posting things both here and there. But for the most part the tumblr is for text posts.

Seems like forever since I last actually did anything on dA, though in reality it's only been what, a few months? Anyhow, update time.

To start, I did a mass exodus on pretty much everything in my Gallery. Anything that was a tribute, game screenshot, or something dumb I no longer liked, was killed. It's probably something I should have done years ago, but it happened tonight. I killed a good six pages of old crap out. I contemplated doing the same with all the journals, but I decided to say fuck it and just leave all that bullshit alone. If you happen to remember seeing something that's not here anymore and wonder why, just ask me about it as I don't feel like going over why I deleted what.

I honestly don't do much in the creativity department anymore. I do a lot of custom magic cards, but other then the Jurassic Park stuff I posted here, all the rest gets posted on a couple different MTG related forums. Not that I don't like posting stuff here, but I'd rather keep it all in places about MTG. Why didn't I kill the JP cards on dA? Well mostly because I like them here. Though they will make the rounds to a couple other forums in the future. As far as writing goes, I have all but quit entirely. Just can't get into the writing groove anymore and I end up hating everything I write  long before anyone of the public sees it. There are a couple short stories I left up here, but for the most part, I got rid of everything else. I still do a little bit of graphic design here and there, most of it is sigs for friends on various forums though, stuff I wouldn't post here. As far as photography goes, I have a bunch of nature pics that I took when I first moved to Montana, but never got around to them. I might sort through them and post some later on.

So why am I still here? Well for one, I'm watching a bunch of awesome arts who are only making my favorites folders grow wildly out of control. Secondly, if I ever do make a come back tot he artist/writer scene, it'd be nice to have somewhere to put it all other than my various picture folders.

What about life stuff? Bah, who cares.

"See, here, now I'm sitting by myself, ah, talking to myself. That's chaos." - Ian Malcom

You've probably noticed the slew of Jurassic Park themed Magic cards by now. My dinosaur obsession decided it wanted to try and get me back into a creative mood, so I started doing these cards. There's still quite a bit more to come too.

Don't worry, once this is over I'll actually be getting back to the novel.

:fusionrock: Seth

"You can't live without the fire, It's the heat that makes you strong. 'Cause you're born to live and fight it all the way, you can't hide what lies inside you."- Within Temptation: The Unforgiving, "Iron"

So to start, I have my job back, but not in its original form. I'm now the Store's webmaster! I get to work from home, make my hours, and make sure all the various sites and pages for our store are looking good and working. So yay, I have a job.

This week has been very odd, in both the good and bad. On the bad I've been depressed on and off over Natasha, but not like I usually am. I haven't been able to sleep well mostly because I keep waking up to these odd dreams about her. After a few minutes awake I start remembering things that I never thought I'd remember. Just about her and the time we spent together. As weird as it sounds, it's like my brain is trying to piece it all back together it full detail. While haunting and depressing, I'm... glad. I'd rather lose sleep and be depressed then forget all about her.

So what's next? Ah yes... gaming.

I managed to get a hold of both Skyrim AND Modern Warfare 3 on their respective dates and have been playing almost nonstop. Ironically it helps keep me upbeat. Skyrim turned out to be a much greater game then I anticipated, as I have had crappy experiences with previous Bethesda games. Seriously though,  I have never played a Fantasy RPG as much as Skyrim and what little things it lacks are more then made up for with everything else.  Modern Warfare 3 is also pretty awesome, loving the way they did Killstreaks and weapon upgrades. So at this point I'm bouncing back and forth between the two.

As you can imagine the Novel and Custom MTG set are on hold because of all of the above. Give it a week or two and things will start popping up again.

:fusionrock: Seth

"I'm about to haunt you down through the big black hole right behind you, and I'm about to cut your wings away"- Within Temptation: The Unforgiving, "Murder"

Here, let me share to vent some of this off.

So my usual wake up time is around 10am-2pm depending on how much sleep I get. Last night I kept waking up and at one point didn't fall back asleep for about an hour. And then at eight in the morning, Roze's phone goes off. The problem is that it's on the floor on my side of the bed. So in an attempt to grab it, she wakes me up. The all important phone call. Fucking telemarketers. At that point she has to get up at nine and I don't wanna go back to sleep. But in an attempt to fall back asleep I convince her to stay in bed for an hour. Never did fall asleep.

So I get up and think "At least I have this whole day to work on stuff and fix up a new resume." Can't find the resume file I had, there went that. At about 2:00pm I ate lunch and watched an hour's worth of TV. After that the plan was pretty much "set and story until I die." Except my shitty sleepless night was dragging my brain down. At about 4:00pm I gave up trying to get things done and decided maybe a nap would help.

Woke up at 7:00pm instead of 5:30pm and I was in an even worse mood then before, but this time, I was awake.

Most of my anger is just stupid shit that bugs me, the kind of stuff where I really have no reason to complain. I'm mad at myself more then anything, and despite it all, I really just can't friggin pull myself out of this damn mood. The worst part? I keep going in fucking circles with why I'm so angry. I'll think of something that will help, realize I don't have it [gets angry], think about acquiring it, realize I can't [gets angry], and then it just repeats in a vicious fucking cycle.

So yeah, today, which was supposed to be 100% productive, was inevitably wasted. I have only myself to blame and I guess I'm just angry at myself for all the problems I can't solve because for whatever god awful reason, I suck at life as of late.

:fusionrock: Seth